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If you've ever had the unfortunate, yet honorable, duty to settle a loved one’s estate - first off, condolences.
Second, no one knows how much work is involved to settle the estate except for the person doing the work (you).
It's a lot.
And third, did it surprise you how many people wanted to talk to you about money? More specifically, what you should do with the money you inherited?
We’re always surprised by this, too. And it isn’t necessarily coming from family and friends - it’s from the investment companies, life insurance companies - even people involved in the funeral process can suddenly have something to say about what happens next.
Some of the advice may be perfectly sound.
But when the advice comes too soon, it hits… well, wrong.
Sometimes Expertise Needs to Wait
Think about everything that may be happening when someone loses a loved one. They're grieving. They're making decisions. They're sorting through decades of belongings and memories. They're handling paperwork, attorneys, accounts, property, family dynamics, and dozens of other things they probably never expected to deal with all at once.
And in the middle of all of that, someone wants to talk about what they should do with the money.
There may be good intentions behind the advice. The advice itself may even be technically correct.
But that doesn't mean the person is ready to hear it.
In a moment of emotional need, expertise usually isn't what we need first. We need empathy. We need someone willing to see us, hear us, and understand what we're experiencing.
The expertise can come later.
Money Is Rarely Just Money
This same truth shows up in everyday financial decisions.
Too often, conversations about money get into the numbers before anyone stops to understand the meaning behind them.
A client doesn't want to sell a particular stock because that's the company Dad owned for decades.
Another client believes diversification means having accounts at several different institutions because that's how their parents always handled money.
Someone else lived through difficult financial circumstances as a child and, decades later, the idea of watching their investments decline—even temporarily—creates a level of discomfort that a risk-tolerance questionnaire will never fully capture.
On paper, we can analyze each of those situations and arrive at an answer.
But the numbers don't tell the entire story.
Before you can advise the decision, you have to understand the meaning behind it.
Empathy Changes the Conversation
Empathy doesn't mean agreeing with every decision. And it certainly doesn't mean ignoring the numbers.
It means becoming curious before becoming corrective.
Why does this asset matter to you?
What does having money at several institutions represent?
What happened in your life that shaped the way you think about financial security?
Those questions may reveal something a spreadsheet never could.
And once we understand the story behind a financial decision, we can have a very different conversation about what happens next.
Maybe the ultimate decision doesn't change.
Maybe it does.
Either way, the person making it knows that what mattered to them wasn't dismissed simply because a different answer looked better mathematically.
Expertise Still Matters
None of this diminishes the importance of expertise.
Financial decisions can have significant consequences. Technical knowledge, experience, and sound judgment matter tremendously.
But expertise and empathy aren't competing ideas.
They need each other.
Expertise helps us understand the numbers. Empathy helps us understand the person behind them.
Without expertise, we may understand someone's feelings but struggle to help them make a sound decision. Without empathy, we may arrive at a technically excellent answer that completely misses what the decision means to the person making it.
Great advice requires both.
The Person Comes Before the Advice
Whether someone is settling an estate, deciding whether to sell a longtime investment, considering a major transition, or simply trying to make a difficult financial decision, there is almost always more happening than what appears on the statement in front of us.
There are memories.
Experiences.
Fears.
Relationships.
Values.
And sometimes grief.
The numbers matter. The strategy matters. The expertise matters.
But first, the person matters.
Because expertise can tell us what could be done.
Empathy helps us understand what should come next.
Or, the client lived through hard times as a child and doesn’t want to lose any of their money.
Without empathy, there can be no honoring. Without honoring, the right action is hard to see.